


I miss you

by mmyst



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Moving On, Past Character Death, Post-Time Skip, its sad, slight time skip spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmyst/pseuds/mmyst
Summary: Akaashi reached out a hand and held Bokuto's face."Okay. I'll wait for you."(Just a short angst story)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of this when I was sad like I apologize in advance. I'm not a writer at all, so sorry for any mistakes. I just have a lot of bokuaka ideas.

"Keiji, did'ya see that?" Bokuto thought, smirking as he landed firmly in front of the net. The crowd erupted in cheers. 

Naturally, with the way of a normal ace, Bokuto had scored their final set point earning the MSBY Black Jackals another amazing win for their season.

His teammates celebrated with hugs and cheers as their excitement came to a high.

Bokuto looked up at the tall ceiling of the vibrant gym. He smiled. 

"I miss you," Bokuto mumbled as he let out a sigh of exhaustion. 

"Oi! Bokkun don't ya have an interview soon?" Atsumu tilted his head.

"Ah, yeah. I'll be there."

His heart felt heavy. It was a few weeks to Akaashi's birthday. About seven years ago Akaashi was the one interviewing him. 

The day was still clear in his mind. Akaashi always came to his games. The Jackals vs Adlers game was no different. By then, Bokuto was a full-fledged normal ace, and Akaashi couldn't be prouder. They spent their night simply enjoying each other's company.

_"Koutarou,"_ he had said. _"Please never stop reaching for your dreams."_ It was cliche, but Bokuto knew there was some meaning behind it.

_"Hm? What makes you say that?"_

_"Sometimes, I feel as if I'm holding you back."_

_"Keiji. Keijiii, you are my dream! You're the one who pushes me. Without you, I would be the same as high school. You're my whole world.”_

His world. Akaashi was his whole world. However, two years ago, his world had crumbled down.

His interview went well. The girl was a bubbly intern for a literature magazine who easily matched up with Bokuto's energy. Bokuto ended his successful day with a nice dinner followed by grabbing some drinks with his team. A few had gone home early to their awaiting partners and children. Bokuto didn't drink too much, but he ended up responsible for dragging Atsumu back to his small apartment in Osaka letting his roommate take care of the rest.

The walk home felt bittersweet. He wanted to go home to someone. Maybe be greeted with a hug and kiss. After Bokuto graduated high school, he spent nearly seven years living alone. But every-so-often, his boyfriend would stay the weekend over despite their busy lives. Many times, he would travel back to Tokyo during breaks to see his family and old friends. He would also spend hours holding Akaashi or being held as they would talk about the most random things just as they would after their outings proceeding volleyball practice. 

Looking back on their days in Fukurodani felt so childish to him. Childish in a good way. They had no care in the world as long as they had each other. 

_"'Kaashi. We'll get married one day."_

_"Bokuto-san, you know it's not legal?"_

_"So? It doesn't have to be. No matter what people think, I'll marry you."_

_"Do you want to wear the dress?"_

_"What?? We have to wear dresses?"_

_"Yes. You can be my bride, Bokuto-san."_

_"Why can't you be the bride Akaashii. You're prettier. And I'll propose first!"_

_"Like, now?"_

_"Not yet. It'll be really special, I promise! Just wait."_

_"And if I do it first?"_

_"We can have a double proposal! You can't do it first though..." he pouted at the boy laying next to him._

_Akaashi reached out a hand and held Bokuto's face._

_"Okay. I'll wait for you."_

Bokuto fumbled with his keys before stepping into his apartment. 

"I'm home!" he announced taking his shoes off and placing them neatly away. 

He made his way to the home shrine Akaashi's mother had helped him make. 

He knelt in front of it, "I'm home Keiji."

Bokuto glanced at the picture of the two together. It was taken after Japan’s National Men’s Volleyball Team was awarded as runner ups for the 2020 Olympics.

The memories flooded his mind more than normal. 

_”If we win, let’s get married,” Bokuto had stated the weekend before he was set to play his first game in the Olympics. They were on a walk home to their temporary shared apartment after a dinner-date. He pulled out a ring box from his bag._

_Finally, Bokuto was living with Akaashi all thanks to the fact the Olympics would be held in Tokyo._

_“Koutarou, are you proposing?”_

_“Yeah! Wait- no. But yes!! When we win, me and you can travel anywhere you want! That’ll be when we’re married.”_

There wasn’t a plan for Bokuto to not take Akaashi on a honeymoon after the event. Sure, it wouldn’t be as special if he didn’t win gold, but they would be together. That’s all that mattered.

_“Say it.”_  
  


_“Akaashi Keiji, will you marry me?”_

They hadn’t won, but the two were able to have their first and last big trip in their relationship. It was something Bokuto saved up for. He wanted to make Akaashi feel special and the happiest person alive. Of course, Akaashi wanted the same for Bokuto. 

Bokuto choked out a laugh. His smile was only evident for the fond memories of their times together. He regretted nothing more than the amount of time they spent away from each other. Long distance wasn’t hard at the time for either of them as they were able to get used to it. 

Without fail, they would catch up with a long or short video call before Bokuto would fall asleep head full of his lover.

There was always this constant reassurance Akaashi brought to Bokuto everyday. His presence relaxed him knowing there was one person that would stick with him for his whole life. Even through the rare days Bokuto felt at his lowest, Akaashi knew what to say. 

Akaashi always knew what to say, so when Bokuto received a call from Akaashi’s panicked mother, saying her son had been admitted into the hospital, he felt hopeless for the first time in years.

Was it his fault? Akaashi’s family didn’t live with him of course, Bokuto should have been keeping a closer eye on his habits. Maybe he could have caught something wrong sooner. It might just be a one time thing. 

He had a small somber talk with his coach before running to the shinkansen as fast as he could. There was no way Akaashi wouldn’t get through it. He really believed it. The train ride was nerve-wracking. His hands were shaking, and his legs felt stiff.

“ _I’m coming, Keiji, just wait…”_

Bokuto still hated hospitals. Some would have their happiest days of their lives while others would leave destroyed. He never wanted it to be the latter again.

About three hours later, he arrived and rushed through the doors spotting Akaashi’s parents in a waiting area. His mother resting her head on his father’s shoulder, an arm tightly wrapped around her. He seemed to be whispering something to her so he felt bad when he walked in front of them and questioned where Akaashi was.

_“Bokuto-san.. The doctor is seeing him now. You should stay here,” his father motioned to the seat next to him._

_“Still..?”_

_“Yes.”_

_A silence fell between them._

Thirty minutes had passed before a doctor had come out updating his parents as Bokuto listened in. ‘Surgery’ and ‘worsening condition’ stuck out the most. 

When he was finally able to see Akaashi, it was late, both of them filled with exhaustion, more so Akaashi. His eyes looked heavy, dark circles evident from his unfit working habits or maybe it had been from the illness. His hair was messier than normal. There had been so much pain in his voice that would slowly break Bokuto to pieces.

_“Kou..”_

_“I’m here. Keiji, I’m here, I’ve got you.”_

Bokuto stayed the night there holding Akaashi close to him muttering small reassurances. Their perfect life had taken a detour that day.

Bokuto inhaled slowly as he got up to make dinner. Some days Bokuto felt selfish that he was allowed to continue living without Akaashi. It wasn’t fair. That’s what Akaashi always stated when things would get worse. That life wasn’t fair and there was no way around it.

He played Akaashi’s favorite songs in the background as he prepared his meal. 

Many people thought he was odd for keeping so many aspects of Akaashi in his life. He had overheard Kuroo stating he wouldn’t be able to look at anything the same while he was visiting Bokuto with the intent of some support. Some were honest about it and some sugar-coated it. 

All Bokuto knew was that he never wanted to forget about Akaashi. 

He still had Akaashi’s favorite coffee mug in his cupboard, he kept the throw pillows they had picked out together, his clothes he kept at Bokuto’s apartment from when he would stay over, and so much more. It wasn’t that he was desperately holding onto Akaashi, he had moved past that. He knew Akaashi would want him to be happy, and Bokuto was happy knowing his past lover was still in his life.

But sometimes, it pained him to get out of bed. He would have dreams that provided him temporary joy ripped away from him by the blaring of his alarm. The ring on his left hand seemed to weigh more than it did those days, like he needed someone to grab his hands and pull him along. 

“I miss you..” he mumbled as the vegetables burned in the pan. Akaashi would always tell him they could try again. That he wasn’t upset dinner would be late even though Bokuto knew he was starving. 

“Keiji.. I miss you so much. Why can’t you be here with me..”

_“Why is life so unfair?”_ He had said one day they were sitting in the hospital watching a movie. It was out of the blue, but Bokuto could see the hurt in his eyes. It was something Akaashi must’ve bottled up refraining from worrying anyone more.

_“It just is. But you know what that means? We just have to find the good parts!”_

_“There’s nothing now.”_ Akaashi had responded.

His tears felt hot on his face as he started cutting up more food. 

In the moment Akaashi said it, Bokuto was taken aback. Normally, Akaashi would listen and take in what Bokuto would say. He apologized immediately after as if his feelings should be disregarded. Yet Bokuto knew he had to make a change.

For the next few months he began writing letters to Akaashi, something he could read when Bokuto was off in Osaka or all over Japan playing volleyball. He learned new vocabulary, all the big words Akaashi would use when he wrote, and made sure they got to him. For some time, Akaashi was able to write back before it got too hard.

_“I didn’t think you would use a word like exacerbate,” Akaashi let out a small laugh and folded the paper neatly in his lap._

_“Did I use it right?? I couldn’t find the exact definition ‘cause I wrote this on the train ride.”_

_“So most of this is memory? I’m really impressed. Your vocabulary has grown a lot since high school.”_

_“Are you proud??”_

_“I’m always proud of you.”_

The warmth in the room was nice somehow, Bokuto never wanted to see Akaashi in pain again. If he could’ve frozen time right there, he would have.

But now, Bokuto ate his meal at the empty dinner table, alone in the silent home, once full with love.


End file.
